E is a Horrible Letter

There's like jack shit in E, guys.  It's really sad.  But there's still one cool E-monster...


So E is for Elf!

But not just any elf, and certainly not tolkein-elves.  We're talking German elves here.  You know, you're riding through the forest and your kid is like "aah, the elf-king!" and you're like "what the hell kid, there's no such thing" but he's like "OH GOD THE ELF-KING!" and you get really freaked out and feel prickles on the back of your neck and you ride like hell is at your heels but when you get to the church your KID IS DEAD!

That's because the Elf-king is real, he hates you, and he hates kids.  He steals their souls and locks them away in his dark underground tree-cavern, performing slave soul-child labor, crafting changelings.  If the Elf-king feels extremely benevolent towards you, because, say, you saved a daughter of his one time before she seduced you to bear another half-elven fey child, he MIGHT leave a changeling doll of twigs in the bed when he steals your kid away.  And the sad thing is, everyone else can see it's just a bundle of sticks with some rags wrapped around it, but you're totally convinced it's your kid.

If I run a traditional campaign anytime soon, all the elves are going to be like this.  There's maybe a few courts in the underworld, and they're constantly fighting brutally, and they constantly assault the surface world.  Why?  That's not the point!  They're still gonna do it anyway!  So they ride on top of giant toads and have ratling guards on their flanks, and cast glamers on anyone who sees them.  They have deals with will-o-the-wisps to lure people into swamps, where they'll sink into the murk, down where they're easier for the elves to reach.  Thing about being prisoner to an elf is that you can suffer all sorts of mistreatment, but you're in the world of the fey, and the natural laws aren't quite as strong as the domineering will of the elves; suffer all you want, but you won't have any release until they're done with you.

And if you're unlucky, they'll let you live.